Tag: Relationships

Why Does God Seem Distant?

Do you struggle with habitual sin and feel as if God is distant whenever you have sinned?
Do you struggle with the thought that perhaps God doesn’t accept you or approve you – especially after you have backslidden?
Do you struggle with guilt and condemnation and the thought that God doesn’t love you because you sin too often?

If you are struggling with any or all of the above issues it might be due to a very simple reason. The reason can be summed up in one word: FEELINGS.

Psalms 34:18 NKJV
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalms 51:17 NKJV
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart — These, O God, You will not despise.

The word “contrite” is defined as feeling or expressing pain or sorrow for sins or offences; penitent; repentant.

Both Psalms 34:18 & Psalms 51:17 tell us that God saves and He is near to those who have a contrite heart. Therefore, God DOES NOT distance Himself from people who feel contrite, repentant or sorrowful for their sins. God is close to the broken-hearted and He does not despise broken people because He wants to save and mend them.

 

Should You Trust Your Feelings?
You cannot always trust your feelings. But you can ALWAYS trust God’s word.
The wrong feelings will give us the wrong perceptions of our situation.
If we live according to our feelings and not by faith in God’s word, we will create the wrong perception of God’s character and the mercy and grace that He offers us whenever we have sinned.

 

Why Do We Feel God Is Distant When We Sin or Backslide?
So why does God seem distant? Below is what internally happens to us whenever we feel as if God is distant, especially when we have sinned or backslidden:

  1. We Have Not Confessed Our Sin
    Whenever we sin, it’s very important for us to confess our sins to God. A sign that we are sorrowful or willing to repent of our sins is through the confession of our sins to the Lord.
    1 John 1:9 ESV – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

  1. We Feel Condemned
    Feelings of condemnation can make us feel as if God is distant. However, scripture tells us that those people who are born again Christians are not condemned. Therefore a Christian should never walk in condemnation.
    Romans 8:1 ESV – There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
    John 3:18 ESV – Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.

 

  1. We Are Listening to the Accuser of the Brethren
    The devil will try to make you believe that your sin is too big for God to forgive you. Sometimes the devil may even make you believe that you have sinned too often that your confessions and your remorse mean nothing to God. First the devil tempts you. When you fall for the temptation, he then accuses you of your sin as if he himself was not involved in your temptation.
    Any thought pattern concerning your sin that does not bring to light God’s saving grace, God’s mercy and God’s willingness to forgive your sins through Christ will actually be the voice of the devil trying to tell you that there is no way out for your sin.
    However, there is a way out. His name is Jesus and He died for our sins on the cross.
    John 3:16-18 ESV – For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.  17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
    Revelation 12:10-11 ESV – And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. 11 And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.

 

  1. We Have Failed to Understand that God is Not a Man
    Unlike man, God promises to forget our sins and to forgive us of our sins when we confess them.
    God chooses not to remember our sins when He forgives us. People may hold grudges and people may choose not to forgive, however God unlike a human is always faithful to forgive and forget when we sincerely confess our sins.
    Isaiah 43:25 ESV – I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.

 

  1. We Falsely Believe That We Are Saved by our Works and not by Grace
    When we consciously or sub-consciously believe that we are saved by our personal works or personal effort, we will create the false impression in our minds that God distances Himself from us whenever we miss the mark.
    While God hates sin, it’s important for us to realize that God does not hate the sinner. It’s the very reason why Christ came; because God loves us despite our flaws (John 3:16)
    God does not judge us according to our personal works because our own effort can never give us salvation. It’s work of Christ on the cross that brings salvation.
    Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV – For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9  not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

 

Conclusion

I would like to encourage you by saying that there is hope and we can always rely on the love, grace and mercy of God in our daily walk with the Lord. God is near to those with a contrite heart (Psalms 51:17).

The Bible also clearly says that the “just shall live by faith” (Romans 1:17). Therefore we cannot live by our feelings, because our feelings can mislead us. Our feelings are dictated by external circumstances, but our faith comes by hearing the word of God (Romans 10:17). Faith is therefore dependent on hearing and believing God’s word and God’s promises irrespective of the external factors.

So where is God when we have sinned? God is very close to you (Psalms 34:18). He will never leave you nor forsake you.

 

Qualities of a Good Husband

Are you looking for a good husband? What are the qualities of a good husband? Is it money; his looks; his character?
Why do so many marriages start off well and then soon end up in divorce? Before you get married – how can you discern if the person you want to get married to is Mr Right?
Below are a few important areas you can look for in a potential good husband.

1. Does He Love God?
Does the man you love – love God? When a husband truly loves God, then it means he is a man who is willing to submit to God’s values and principles of how a family should be run and led. A husband who loves the Lord will seek to please the Lord and because he has godly values will always seek the direction of the Lord as he leads his family. A good husband is more than just a church-goer – but he is a true and obedient Christian.
Matthew 22:37-38 ESV – And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment.
Proverbs 3:1-2 ESV – My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, 2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.

2. Is His Love For You Genuine?
If you are to truly perceive whether your man loves you, then you (yourself) need to also understand the true meaning and definition of what love is.
Love is more than just feelings. Love is more than whether or not he gives you flowers. Love is more than how much money he spends on you. Love is more than the little notes and poems he writes to you. Love is more than the physical experience of sex.
In fact – love is hard work. Love is not just a feeling – it’s a verb; it’s a “doing” word. Therefore love is not just what you feel – but what you do. Love exists even when there are problems and challenges in the relationship. Love is unconditional and it exists even when it is unwanted or not recognized.
Ephesians 5:28 ESV – In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV – Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.

3. Does He Understand The Role of The Husband In A Marriage?
Would it be wise for a job seeker to commit themselves to a certain job without first knowing or understanding what duties that particular job entails? Would an employee be effective in his duties, if he did not know what is required of him? If a man is to be an effective husband then he must know what a husband IS; what a husband DOES; and HOW to be a husband.
Ephesians 5:23-28 ESV – For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

4. Does He Have a Vision or a Plan for Life & For A Family?
Do you want to marry a man who is good looking but doesn’t have a plan? Do you want to marry a man who is romantic but yet has no vision? Many single mothers exist because of men who do not have a plan and men who lack the knowledge and wisdom to lead a family. Many children will never know the identity of their fathers because of men who did not have a plan because of men who were too afraid to take responsibility in a relationship. If a man has decided that he wants to be a husband and that he wants to lead his family then that man must exercise wisdom and he must have a direction and plan in order to lead his wife and children.
Proverbs 3:13 NKJV – Happy is the man who finds wisdom, And the man who gains understanding;

5. Is He Committed to You & The Relationship?
Does he appear like a man who will bail out when there is a problem or challenge? Does he still enjoy being single? Is he likely to cheat on you? The reason why divorce cases are so high is because people are no longer willing to be committed to a relationship. People would rather separate than work out their differences. Spouses have a self-centred, “whats-in-it-for-me?” attitude when they enter a relationship. A committed relationship is never always smooth – but every relationship requires work for it to succeed.
Matthew 5:31-32 ESV – “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Malachi 2:16 NIV – “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel …”
Matthew 5:27-29 ESV – “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

6. Does He Love Children?
A man who loves children is a man with the capabilities of being a good father. Single mothers exist partly because of irresponsible men who do not love even their own children to the extent that such men will avoid the responsibility of taking care of their own kids. Therefore a good husband will see children as a blessing from God and not a mistake because children are never a “mistake” or an “accident”.
Psalm 127:3 – Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Proverbs 13:22 – A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, but the sinner’s wealth is laid up for the righteous.

Conclusion
There are no perfect men in life. A woman should never be drawn or led by the flesh when looking for the right man. If a woman is to find a good husband, she needs to rely on more than just her feelings. She must more importantly rely on the wisdom and direction of the Lord.

 

Qualities of a Good Wife

Are you a single man looking for a good quality woman? Or are you a woman who is trying to be a more excellent person?
The word of God is very clear that a man who finds an excellent wife is a man who has found someone more precious than jewels (Proverbs 31:10). In other words: if you are a man – a virtuous woman is more valuable than any material possession and such a woman will bring more happiness to your life than any amount of money, silver or gold you could ever have.
Also if you are a woman who seeks to be virtuous or a man who seeks a virtuous woman, the Bible clearly defines in Proverbs 31:10-31 the type of qualities of a good wife.

1. A GOOD WIFE IS TRUSTWORTHY & DEPENDABLE
Proverbs 31:10-11 – An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
A husband cannot cope without a good wife because his wife is reliable, trustworthy and rock-steady.

2. A GOOD WIFE DOES GOOD & NOT HARM TO HER HUSBAND
Proverbs 31:12 – She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
A good wife does not work against her husband, but she works WITH her husband. Husband and wife should work together and not against each other.

3. A GOOD WIFE IS HARD-WORKING & INDUSTRIOUS
A good and virtuous wife doesn’t just expect to be provided for by her husband. A good wife however is also a provider herself together with her husband. She is not lazy but she is hard-working and she does what she can to play her part financially in the home. There is not just one breadwinner in the home – but both wife and husband are breadwinners.
Proverbs 31:13,15,18,27 – She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands 15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

FI-B-VIRT

4. A GOOD WIFE IS STRONG & DIGNIFIED
Proverbs 31:17,25 – She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
If someone is dignified it means they are worthy of respect. Therefore a good wife carries herself well. She also has a strong personality and reflects it when she needs to.

5. A GOOD WIFE IS WISE & KNOWLEDGEABLE
Proverbs 31:26 – She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Husbands certainly don’t know everything. Therefore a man always needs his wife to give him advice and to help him in areas that he and the family might be struggling or attempting to achieve.

6. A GOOD WIFE IS GOD FEARING
Proverbs 31:30 – Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
One of the greatest qualities any woman could have is to have reverence for God. A good wife will always understand the part that God plays in her life and in her family. Whatever she does in the household must give glory to God and ultimately her character must reflect the nature of God.

7. A GOOD WIFE HAS INNER BEAUTY
Proverbs 31:30-31 – Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
They say – do not judge a book by its cover. A good wife does not only just focus on making her outward appearance look good. But however, she focuses on having a good character and personality. She is not hypocritical but she is beautiful inside more than she is on the outside.

8. A GOOD WIFE RESPECTS HER HUSBAND
Ephesians 5:22-24 – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
God made the husband to be the head of the family. This does not mean that the wife is less important than a man but it simply means that in God’s eyes the husband has been given the leadership role in the marriage. A good wife therefore recognizes her husband’s leadership and respects and submits to her husband in the Lord.

There are many articles that focus on formulas for finding the right kind of woman. However, all the answers are found in God’s word of what kind of woman a man should marry and what kind of woman a wife should be.
Be blessed.